It is reassuring to understand and see that I have learned something from an experience. Even when that experience is painful or raw, it helps to see that it is all a part of God's plan, and also a part of forming me as a person--making me more resilient, more aware of what I need and more confident.
"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity". Ephesians 5:15
Worrying
I am a ridiculous worrier. I worry about so much, and it does me no good. It just stresses me out. I know that I need to live today without worrying about tomorrow. I know that God has a plan for me, and that He will take care of me. I know that whatever happens, it will be for the best in the end. But, I just keep worrying! I pray for peace and trust, but I just cannot be at peace for long. Some times are worse than others, and I am just going through a high worry stage. But, I also do not want to be the other extreme--people who do not worry at all are often selfish and/or reckless. I'll get there, I know. Just not yet, I guess.
Forgiveness
One of the big things I am working through is the idea of forgiveness. I know it is right to forgive, and it is better for our healing if we can learn to forgive those who hurt us and let go of the pain. But, does forgiving mean forgetting? If someone hurts you, and you forgive them, does that mean you need to be nice to them? I think that it is right to be at least civil--certainly I would not want someone to be mean to me. I have made many mistakes and I have been forgiven (although, I've never done anything as bad...). And, what do you do if they apologize, but you don't know if it is sincere? Does it matter?
In Romans, Paul writes:
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath"
So, I think I am going to try to forgive, not forget, and still try to be civil. I need to be a kind, honest, genuine person. We will see if I can do that!
Resilience
I do not think I am very good recovering from an emotional setback. I think I am doing good, and then something seemingly insignificant will happen, and I feel like I take 5 steps backward. I have been lucky in my life that few really bad things have happened to me, but the downside to that is that I really am not strong when it comes to dealing with bad things. I read an article once (that I now really wish I could find!) that said that the people who go through hard times and come out okay, or even better off, are the resilient ones; the ones who look it in the eye, deal with it, and move on. Maybe I am doing that, and I am just impatient. But another one of my life goals is to become more resilient, more tough. Jesus told us not to worry, that God will provide us with a wonderful life, and an even better life in heaven. We just need to be the best people we can be. One of my favorite verses:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.
This quote is on my computer, and I read it several times every day. I pray that the Lord will give me strength and use these experiences to make me a better woman.
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